I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
