im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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