You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize