They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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