hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
