Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
