K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
