My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
