well I can't set my house on fire every night
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
