You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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