that's an acceptable place to lick
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
