I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
