I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize