At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
