so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
