How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
