I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
