We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
