I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
