It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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