the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
