I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
