Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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