Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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