My sheets look like a crime scene.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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