She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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