before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
