Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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