Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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