She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
