Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
