happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
