ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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