She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
