if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize