Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
