If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
