We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So vagazzling was a success
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
