so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
