You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
