I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
