I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
