I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
