You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize