gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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