Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
