Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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