my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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