you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
