Got a toothbrush?
If i come over, it means nothing
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
