Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
