Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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