Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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