he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
