If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
