He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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