we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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