I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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