P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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