When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
