I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
