That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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