Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
