my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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