nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
