I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
