I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
