After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
